Vocation Stories
Thomas Kenny, SJ
DOB: 10/7/72
Entered Society: 08/23/1998
Ordained: 06/13/09
God's grace is the fabric, which holds my vocation story together. When I was 24 a close friend of mine around the same age died rather suddenly. His death served to awaken within me the urgency of life. I was only promised today and if I didn't live it as fully as possible then I only had myself to blame. My question soon became how do I live most fully?
I thought I wanted to be married and have a family. Yet, I did not feel ready to commit to anyone in particular anytime soon. When I prayed about where in my life I had felt most alive it was working with the poor in Jamaica, Belize and Micronesia. In each of these places I had worked with Jesuits whom I admired. Naturally, the question of becoming a Jesuit started to bubble up in my prayer. I tried to ignore it since this was not who I wanted to be. I wasn't sure who I wanted to be, but I knew it was not a Jesuit. Being a Jesuit was at odds with the desire to marry, and giving up sex for life seemed absolutely crazy.
But I had been willing to try crazy things before. Why not the Jesuits? Thus I began a determined effort to find out whether or not God wanted me to be a Jesuit. I figured a lighting bolt, a mystic vision, or writing on the wall would indicate whether or not I should be a Jesuit. After all, this seemed to be a pretty serious decision I needed a serious sign. I waited and waited and the serious sign I was waiting for did not arrive. I wanted God to shout yet, God whispered.
With no clear sign I chose to ignore the question of whether or not I should be a Jesuit because it seemed like it would never be resolved to my satisfaction. Every time I thought I had succeeded in ignoring the question it ambushed my psyche with greater urgency. I would again ask God for guidance and get no satisfactory answer. And I would again try to ignore the question by checking Jesus at the door of my life and getting immersed in my day-to-day activities with friends and work.
I started to worry I would always be haunted with this "vocation" question without receiving a satisfactory answer. I didn't want to wake up one morning five or ten years down the road wondering, "What if I had been a Jesuit?" So, I made a deal with God. I would enter the Jesuits on a trial basis. If I entered and hated it I could leave during the novitiate. And to be honest this is what I fully expected to happen. I would finally have my question answered, thank you very much, and I could move on with my life. Thankfully, God is not a prisoner of my expectations. God let me fall in love with the Society, its spirituality and its mission.
God through the Society has made me a happier and a better man. I am more fully myself. My vocation has been a greater gift than I ever could have anticipated. It also continually challenges me to risk loving others the way that Christ loved. The Society has given me the opportunity to work with orphans in Africa and victims of traumatic violence at Cook County Hospital in Chicago. In each of these places I have felt the steady companionship of Jesus walking close by my side.
Now I will admit there are times when being a Jesuit seems more sacrifice than gift. I see my friends who are married and playing with kids and wonder to myself "what in the hell where you thinking taking perpetual vows!" But, slowly the gift and the sacrifice of my vocation are becoming more integrated.
Over these past five years, God has given me a growing comfort in the vows, particularly the last line "that just as you gave me the grace to desire and offer this, so you will also bestow the abundant grace to fulfill it." Part of me is still waiting for the lighting bolt but I've grown increasingly convinced that the slow and steady drip of God's grace into my thirsting soul has given me a greater thirst for life than any lighting bolt ever could. The way this grace works is still a mystery and I kind of like it that way.
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